I just keep buying books.
I don’t need them. I suspect I don’t need to tell most of you how thoroughly I don’t need them; I think it’s a safe guess that many of the readers of Tor.com have solid TBRs, well-used library cards, and plenty of reading material. “Need” feels like a fraught word, lately, too: I don’t need a book the way people need to be able to sleep safely in their beds.
But I buy them anyway.
I nab them from eBay (a long-sought, extremely out of print copy of Quest for the Golden Hare); pre-order them from my local bookstore (Nina MacLaughlin’s Winter Solstice: An Essay); pick them up at Powell’s because I can’t resist a steal (a British edition of Virginia Woolf’s Orlando); stop and look in local little free libraries even though I should be putting books in to these little boxes, not taking them out.
And then I don’t read them. I put them in nice piles on the to-be-read shelf and think that perhaps I need to spend a weekend cleaning that shelf off, and soon.
What I am doing is thinking about them. Appreciating them, you might say. Thinking about why I was so excited about Naomi Klein’s Doppelganger and yet it’s still in the middle of the dining table because I don’t want to shelve it but I don’t want to start it either. Thinking about Saint Death’s Daughter and how it’s such a pretty brick of a book and I can’t wait to get lost in it. Just, you know… later.
Is it meaningful, though, to just appreciate a book when you could be reading it?
Sometimes, the not-reading is just a matter of needing a little push. Of needing someone—a friend, a trusted reader, an admired author, a book group—to mention a book in passing, to yell online about how much it thrilled them or shook up their ideas about what SFF could be and do. Sometimes you just need a sequel to come out so you know you can get the full satisfaction of a series all at once. All these books look so good; how am I supposed to prioritize? Can’t someone just tell me which one I’m going to love best?
(Except that all too often, if someone does tell me what to read next, I ignore them. Some of us are contrary like that.)
What I do instead of reading is ridiculous: Put Riverdale on in the background, and open a jigsaw puzzle app on my phone. Thirtysomething actors playing teenagers deliver unconvincing comic-book slang while I push around little chopped-up images of doughnuts. It is not an enlightening process. I don’t get anything out of it, except that it tires out the little squirrel in my brain that wants to organize things. (Remember the X-Files vampire thwarted by sunflower seeds? That’s my brain, except with piles of stuff that need to be organized.)
Are you not reading fantasies? Not reading mysteries? Are you, like me, not reading the new Elizabeth Hand novel because you obviously have to read The Haunting of Hill House first? (You can tell me I don’t have to, but I do.) Who else is not yet reading Nettle and Bone despite really, really looking forward to it? Are you looking longingly toward the books you got from a favorite store, a book subscription, an impulse purchase, and yet still not picking them up? I’m right there with you.
Part of why this is on my mind is that, as frequently happens, I heard a few friends and online acquaintances online bemoaning the fact that they couldn’t “keep up.” They were behind. They needed to designate a special time—a month, a week, an era—to reading older books, books that didn’t just come out and have that sheen of attention-grabbing newness to them.
I understand this. I do. I have new books to read, upcoming books I want to read, old books to read, and only one lifetime. But I wish we didn’t feel like we have to “keep up.” No one can read every book that comes out, or even every book that comes out in a single genre. (Unless you really want to split genre hairs, in which case good luck and godspeed.)
Buy the Book
Bookshops and Bonedust
Can there be comfort in the things you’re not reading? Can they be books that are just waiting for you to find their moment? Stories you need, just not yet, like snacks you put in your pocket for later, stored up for when you really, really need them? I’m pretty convinced this is the case. Haven’t you ever picked up a book months, years, decades after it came out and found it was exactly what you needed to read just then? Jordy Rosenberg’s Confessions of the Fox was this for me, some years after it came out. I feel like I never shut up about Nalo Hopkinson’s Midnight Robber, but that’s because it knocked me sideways when I read it in the late 2000s. Sometimes I purposefully save books until the spotlight has moved on. The experience can feel a little more private, a little more personal, that way. Sometimes.
And what’s more, I think there’s an often-ignored value in the act of appreciating even the things we’re not reading. What else is a most-anticipated list but a list of books a writer or a publication appreciates, wants to read but—in most cases—hasn’t yet read, or maybe even hasn’t seen in the flesh (in the page?) just yet? Wanting has power. Enthusiasm, curiosity, anticipation, desire—those things matter, too. You can talk about books without reading them. You can care about books without reading them. You can support your beloved authors, if that is a thing you worry about doing, without yet having read all their books. All that looking-foward and wanting? Listen: It counts for something. You’re still thinking about those books. I think about what I’m going to write next all the time, and it makes the writing come more easily. If we’re thinking about what we want to read next, it probably also makes neat little pathways in our brains that affect the experience of reading. Like clearing out all the cobwebs before walking a new path through the woods.
I’m not reading so many things right now: Legends & Lattes, Big Fiction, He Who Drowned the World, Meet Me in the Bathroom, Foundryside, The Winged Histories. But if I reframe it just a little bit, then I’m not reading these books yet. I’m thinking about them. I’m clearing space in my little squirrel brain for them to settle in when the time comes. The books are just waiting for me to pick a moment. To let it get quiet inside my head, for the squirrel to get sleepy, and for my reading brain to wake back up.
What is it that’s calling to you, but you’re just not in a place to answer? What are you not reading yet? And what are you anticipating about it?
Molly Templeton lives and writes in Oregon, and spends as much time as possible in the woods. Sometimes she talks about books on Twitter.
I tell people that, apparently, books are like fine wine to me: They need to age before being decanted. It’s my explanation for why I haven’t read books I bought years ago. Years and years and years and years ago…
I let Saint Death’s Daughter sit for a while before I got to it because I wasn’t sure I would like it — I was so wrong. I kind of wish I could read it for the first time again.
Totally empathise..have three shelves of brand new sf..just spent two days agonising over ordering a new three..just done so.Such relief..it must be an addi cation.
I now have more unread books than I could hope to read if I did nothing else, all day, for the rest of my life (at my usual reading speed). Sometimes, realising this makes me sad. Other times, I remember Guillermo del Toro’s view of a library as not a fossilised record of what you have read, but rather a representation of *potential*, and then I don’t feel quite so sad.
I tell myself that it’s the acquisition of a book (and the sense of potential therein) that really satisfies me. I only buy a handful of new books in a year, but my used book TBR pile is frightening.
I’ve trained myself to feel the same way when I check out a book from the library. An e-book, even. It’s actually better when it has to be put on hold, because then I get a thrill from choosing it and a thrill when it comes to me.
(This all started in 2000, when half my friends — mid-career tech workers in Portland OR — were out of work, just like my spouse and I were.)
This awareness helps me “forgive” myself when books go back to the library unread. Yeah, it was the momentary thrill I really wanted! Sure, uh-huh.
As a confirmation of all this, I also recognize that spending two hours in thrift stores (and mostly enjoying the “finds” while limiting my purchases to $10) is waaay more fun than going to see a movie for a similar leisure interval and cost. Although thrift prices are up, too (sigh); maybe $20 now.
It’s so reassuring to know that I’m not some kinda book freak, or if I am, at least I’m not alone. Throughout my home, pretty much every coffee table, end table, shelf, and bedside table- occasionally the dinner table-, has books and\or comic books, stacked on it or in it.
I have a Kindle with I-don’t-even-know-how many unread books on it. I have an Audible account with about dozen unread books. Yet I still shop for more books.
When I’m not reading, I’m constantly surfing the SFF publisher websites and blogs or scanning through all the me email newsletters that are 99% all book related.
I always have the next couple books I’m gonna read picked-out, but that almost always changes before I start them.
And yes; there is something magical when you read that perfect book at just the right time for you.
I’m not even sure what my point of this comment is, other than to again state, how it is nice to know I’m not the only one like this.
Getting almost all my books from the library has kept me from a housefull of TBR books. I need a deadline, and the library provides one.
I often find starting a new book a monumental task. Once I start it I can read it pretty quickly, and the lag between books is often longer than the time it takes me read to one.
@7 I couldn’t agree more with this!
I own about 225 unread books, and the last time the number was 0 was in 2002. That said, the big relief here is that the number is actually declining. It sat just below 300 steadily for years because the rate-of-acquisition kept pace with the rate-of-reading. In recent years, I’ve been much more careful about ensuring that the rate-of-reading stays higher – and I’ve benefitted from being less averse to DNF-ing a book than I used to be. I still give them the benefit of the doubt and sometimes force myself all the way through, but am more willing to stop ~50% of the way through and leave the book in a Little Free Library and move along when I’m clearly not having a good time.
I also have a spreadsheet with 1100 additional books I’ve heard of and like the idea of reading. That’s definitely a lot…but at least they’re not in my house.
I moved copies of Michelle West’s Sacred Hunt duology around to 6 different apartments over the course of 10 years until finally reading them. There’s always magic in finding the right book at the right time, but it’s even more sparkly and thrilling when it’s a book that’s been with you for miles (geographically and emotionally), just quietly waiting for you to pick it up at exactly the right time.
I do save some books for later, I am hoarding at least 3 Terry Pratchett books because I don’t want the discworld to be… finished. And I don’t want to read the latest Vorkosigan novel, until a new one comes out cause I don’t want that series to be done.
I think I have a problem with saying good bye to things that mean a lot to me.
This articulates my experience so accurately. My brain isn’t always ready for the next book I’m going to love–and I want to give each one a fair shot to knock me over! Right now I’m most anticipating Ann Leckie’s The Raven Tower, Becky Chambers’ Wayfarers books, and the sequels to Nnedi Okorafor’s Binti. I have been so delighted with each of these authors before, and have been saving these books like special treats for those days when nothing is pressing on me, I can just sit in my reading nook with a blanket and a snack and sink into them with full reckless abandon.
And, of course, I have a tab open to order Bookshops & Bonedust and a small selection of Ursula LeGuin books…a delightful and endless cycle.
Bertrand Russell spoke of the Tristram Shandy paradox. This was a reference to a remark in Tristram Shandy roughly to the effect that he had been writing his autobiography for 6 weeks, and had only covered the first few days of his life – and at that rate, might have difficulties finishing it.
My books send their regards and sympathies to yours.
Luckily I’ve mostly trained myself out of this. Make use of your public library if you can everyone! And even if you can’t, lots of libraries will let you borrow from them for a fee, e.g. digitally. I am contributing to and participating in a wonderful public service, and getting to try out as many books as I want without spending 20+ bucks on them and having them collect dust on my overflowing shelves. Having a hold come in at the library gives me the kind of excitement of trying a new book without obligating me to like it or keep it around or donate it, where it may just end up in a landfill one day.
Squirrel brain – yes!! I have 2+ shelves full of TBR books and the only reason they haven’t grown outside of that space is the use of my library card… and perhaps some sales on ebooks. There’s so much that I haven’t read – YET – but it always reminds me of a quote or meme I saw several years ago that says something to the effect of bookshelves being the best wallpaper.
@14 my issue is that the library doesn’t have the books I want to read, and the few of my TBR (wishlist) that they do have are usually ebooks, which I struggle with. I need paper.
I currently have 412 unread physical books on my shelves. I’ve been working on reducing the number for several years, and have made some progress.
@16 all libraries have ways to suggest purchases, whether in person or online, and if they have specific criteria where they won’t purchase the one you want for whatever reason, they also have Inter Library Loan programs. For me here in Canada it means I can get any book from across the country for free. I’ve read that some county libraries in the US can get books from the whole state this way. Just wanted to share this info even if you already know it, just because it seems like many people aren’t aware of the full range of their libraries’ services.
ILL is how I’ve been digging into classic female author SFF physics books, all for free!
*physical books not physics, darnit.
It’s the digital ones that keep on multiplying; around 11,000 plus now with approximately 10,000 unread. Would take 27+ years of reading if l read one per day. Addi action indeed!
FG
The final two Terry Pratchett books I obtained when they came out, and I can’t read them. I look at them and realize that reading them will mean it will be the last time I can read a Terry Pratchett book for the first time. I need to have them, though; their presence matters to me.
It’s the unread library books I feel the most guilt over. Yes I want to read this. Yes I’ve renewed this twice already without reading a single page.
So much of this rings so true. I have 67 unread or partially-read-and-then-abandoned books on my shelves, plus a handful of ebooks – all in all, about a year’s worth of reading if I manage to keep up my current pace. Many of them are for work (which is not a bad thing, I love my job and the topic interests me personally, too) that I will tackle over short or long, a couple are gifts from my ex-girlfriend that I’m not touching for much the same reason that others above are unable to read their remaining Terry Pratchett novels, and the rest are more or less spontaneous buys. I can’t read “He Who Drowned the World” because I’d have to reread “She Who Became the Sun” first in order to be able to appreciate it better, but considering all the other unreads, something in my brain revolts about devoting time to a reread. And at the same time I’m at the beginning of a all-Tolkien-reread without those same qualms. And “Bookshops and Bonedust” is waiting to be picked up at the bookstore, at that – and will keep buying more, too.
Sometimes I wish my brain made sense even to myself.
I am so very relieved to find I am not alone in my hoarding. Now I can discard the occasional twinge of guilt and just appreciate the books I have not read yet…
I don’t go into a public library and feel guilty about all those books I have not read. To a limited extent, I take the same view of the unread pile in my house.
This speaks to me and I can absolutely relate. I love to just buy books and add to my collection. Part of it is taking comfort in being surrounded by all of these books that I look forward to (and ones I’ve already read and enjoyed). But another part is much like you said – like hoarding snacks for later. There’s comfort in that too – knowing I will have something so I won’t get hungry later on the trail.
One of my daily indulgences is browsing my personal bookshelves and just appreciating the books that I’m not quite ready for. My Brandon Sanderson collection grows as I force myself through The Wheel of Time prior to allowing myself to fully appreciate them (and their insides), for example.
I find the TBR to be a little bit of a blessing and a curse. Sure it makes me think I have only so many more hours to devote to what I’ll read in my life and anything that ties that closely to our mortality is sad. But knowing there’s so many options to choose from and look forward to is a true blessing and one that outweighs the curse for me.
“except that it tires out the little squirrel in my brain that wants to organize things”
That hits home.
Here I am organizing all the hundreds (thousands?) of e-books on my hard-drive, re-naming them just-so according to my preference of filename and directory structure, and…not reading them.
Here I am organizing the hundreds of board and table-top or role-playing games games, carefully sleeving the cards, punching out & bagging the counters, and… not playing them.
Here I am organizing the hundreds (thousands?) of miniature figurines and vehicle kit-sets, carefully trimming the flash and mold lines, assembling and painting them, and… not playing with them.
Perhaps not squirrel, perhaps more dragon and hoard.
I pity the person who has to deal with all this “stuff” when I finally croak it!
So much of the above rings true. Squirrel brains unite!
But also.
I’d like to add this specific tbr delight: extended holidaying. I travelled through Scotland this fall, and very specifically to the Orkney islands because of all the historical sites there. Picked up a number of folk tale anthologies there, and books about local history, and the Orkneyinga saga. I very much did not read them right away when the travelling was still fresh.
I’m back there now though, at that borderland where you read those books, and your imagination takes that and memories of the sites for imagining the stories told :)
Well, for a while one thing I wasn’t reading was Tor.com – I got months behind for some reason. Just too many other things taking up my time, a lot going on at work (which tends to be when I read in between checkouts/compiles) and I find that my brain does this thing where I get overwhelmed when there is too much to do and all of the unread articles in the different columns I follow (this one included) started to weigh on me…like, I felt like I couldn’t enjoy a recent article because I had so many unread articles (even though that is dumb). Anyway – I finally found a few days to just plow though a bunch as well as give myself the permission to just do a little at a time…sometimes that’s what I have to tell myself about a book. Even if I just read a few pages, that’s a few pages!
Anyway what I meant to say was that I really enjoy how this column really takes a peek in my head sometimes. I thankfully do NOT have a problem with collecting unread books…my anti-clutter neurosis (and anti-spending money neurosis) tends to keep that in check. Sometimes I do find if a book isn’t doing it for me I’ll move on to a second and alternate, but I find that any more than two at a time and I feel spread too thin.
My problem is that I tend to be a completist (something I’ve been working hard to break myself of) so I often get overwhelmed by my TBR list in the sense that I feel like I can’t try something new without having to then read EVERYTHING associated with it, or there are books I feel I ‘should’ read because they are part of the canon. But I’ve been better about just reading what I want to read (along with some of the little challenges I set myself).
@25 – oh, and speaking of squirrel brain, I am currently in a state where my library/office is a MESS…I need to do a purge of some of the stuff in it and re-organize the shelves, and I have literally dozens of books just sitting on the floor because there is no room for them.
But I also recently just spent hours going through all my digital music and organizing all the metadata, album covers, changing the names/titles, etc – although I do listen to my music :) But it gives me such immense satisfaction to know it’s all organized, it almost enhances the listening, haha.